LDS Conversion Confusion

How Anti-Mormon Tweets Strengthened My Faith

16 Jul 2010 2 Comments

by ldsccblog in Anti-Mormon, Church history, Civility, Converts, Ex-Mormon, Faith, Lifers, Member Missionaries, Testimony Tags: anti-Mormon, church history, ex-Mormon, faith, LDS, Mormon, polygamy, questions, self-improvement, Testimony, tithing, twitter

Wow, that title sounds downright Reader’s Digest, doesn’t it? Weird thing is, the trite can be true. In my case it is.

I have some problems with Mormon culture at times. If you read my conversion story, you’ll understand why. I feel like I’m very different from many here in the facts of my life, in my exposure to international food, languages, and lifestyles, and in my politics. Though I don’t back away from doctrine, I get frustrated by the actions and words of others. I don’t like complacency in anyone. And when I find that I’m mouthing something without being certain about it, I realize it’s time to shift and get some answers. I’ve been working on this with friends, missionaries, in reading and in prayer.

I wrote a tweet a month or two back that criticized some behavior I’ve seen in the Church and the assumption that all members are conservative (I’m not), homophobic (I’m not), and other banal untruths. Apparently, some anti-Mormons on Twitter saw my tweet and decided that I too was anti-Mormon. They started following me, and out of e-courtesy I did the same.

It would seem that some people believe that those of us who are NOT Molly Mormon, who DO have differing political or social views, and who are NOT afraid to point out inconsistencies are haters of the Church. That’s not how I see it. The Book of Mormon itself implores readers to pray for evidence of the truth of the Book before and after reading it. All of our scholarly endeavors at church, which is three hours of classes, essentially, are based on seeking and speaking the truth.

As an adult convert who has lived a life in the rest of the world and who has studied religions, spiritual disciplines and philosophies exhaustively (in addition to law, history, folklore and other disciplines that call for research and evidence), it is my nature, to my marrow, to ask WHY. I don’t understand so many things in the Church, be they cultural or doctrinal, so I ask, I read, I challenge, and I discuss. I am fortunate to belong to a ward where such inquisitiveness is enjoyed. I have wonderful friends in my ward family!

In the pursuit on understanding the sadder part of LDS, the anti-Mormon movement that pervades the internet with shrieks and lies and accusations and other evidence of pain, I decided to interview a Twitter anti-Mormon whose tweets were civil, if inaccurate and highly biased. I thought I’d be able to have a polite, honest conversation with him and learn why he spends 24/7/365 spewing venom, however cleverly, about a church he claims to have left behind, to disbelieve, and to be a cult.

Because I do not have his permission to use his name, I will call him “X”. I will say that he advertises himself on Twitter with this blurb “40+yrs exp. Mormon Myths & Insider TRUTH abt. LDS & their Polygamous Past.” He also likes to “talk” with missionaries via Twitter, though I call it baiting, taunting and spoofing.

Since polygamy left the Church over a century ago, this focus seemed odd to me when I first read his biography. Why go on about the past when it does not obtain? Should I live in another country because of slavery or “Irish Need Not Apply,” or Japanese Internment or the March of Tears? All were wrong, but how do they affect my citizenship? Extrapolating that to the Church, I was intrigued by the logic of such a focus.

I admit to arrogance – I thought I’d be able to help this person see a sliver of what faith does for me, so that he might be able to temper his animosities with compassion for something that he must have had, but must have lost. That was a mistake on my part. My lesson, it turned out, came from elsewhere.

I decided to answer this man’s tweets for a day to see what kind of rapport I could build. I had joked with him in past, suggesting that his methods were those of Satan in taking 1/3 of the Host (he took it in the spirit intended and gave me a wink, boding well). I was ready to interview him, but I approached this day of Twitter conversation as background research designed to help me devise a strong, interesting and pertinent list of questions for him.

This is the exchange. It which started late one evening, and ended about 24 hours later.

DAY 1
X: Mormon temple garments are promised to “shield & protect” the wearer so what happened? Did Joseph Smith go commando the day he was killed?? 5:57 PM

Me: Would you argue in court that “shield & protect” = “make invincible?” No. Bad argument. Nobody’s guaranteed forever on Earth. 9:42 PM

X: No mam. I will only repeat what I was told in the LDS temple & by good & faithful Mormons for over 40 years. 6:44 AM (Day 2)

DAY 2
X: [there is a deleted post here; in it he said that most Mormons fear something, a sweeping statement but I have forgotten the specifics]

Me: 1 exception spoils the rule. I don’t fear, and I’ve never met one who does. I ask, too! A bit grandiose, that last. 7:11 AM

X: [another deleted post in which he criticizes the mission as required and damaging to participants]

Me: Um, then don’t. Or, glad you didn’t. You don’t account for the dignity of agency much. Why do others’ choices dictate yours? 7:13 AM

X: You meant why do you try to help others make choices they will not regret later? I know too many Ex Mormon missionaries.;-) 7:17 AM

He mistook me; I wanted to know why others’ expectations of him would have required him to go on a mission, not why he talks the mission down now.

Me: many go on mission sans faith, 2 impress family, 4 a car…couldn’t that b part? I’m a newb @ 45 so my view is removed… 7:22 AM

X: Parental/Peer Pressure & bribes/rewards are strong motivators but 2 yrs &; a lifetime of regret once they realize its a cult 7:26 AM

Me: 2 yrs & regret=bad motivators & stupid choices of children. It’s not proof of a cult. Again, wouldn’t stand up in court. 7:53 AM

Me: not all are suited to the mish; I’m not & wouldn’t have been. I don’t have to go. How is that cult influence? 7:54 AM

X: Wouldn’t use that as proof of the LDS cult not being what is claims. Evidence of Fraud is quite plentiful though. 11:30 AM

Me: in matters of faith, proof is irrelevant & fraud cannot pertain. 11:33 AM

He re-tweeted this last, presumably as proof to all of his followers of my insanity.

X: Continue to pay your tithing because your new religion is a perfect fit.;-) 11:38 AM

I knew that this was intended as an insult or provocation. I knew he wanted to “play” some more. But this is where the miracle started: I didn’t want the last word. For once! I didn’t have need to tell him the only words that came to me: YES, IT IS.

Immediately I recalled a Philosophy of Religion class that I took when returning to finish my undergraduate degree. On the first day (for which I had not done any reading, of course) the professor led a detailed discussion of the difference between “Belief IN” and “Belief THAT.” I had no idea what he was saying, and I became so confused that I dropped the class, probably the next day. For years that discussion stuck in my mind, going nowhere. I don’t know why, but there it was.

Now, I understand. There are two kinds of faith, one for each of our major spiritual organs. For the soul there is Belief IN, and for the mind there is Belief THAT.

Belief THAT is “I believe that this is true because…” – an exercise in proof and logic, a purely mental exercise supported with experience, teachings, readings, and other forms of evidence. It’s the kind of thing that appeals to teachers and lawyers and doctors and MBAs. It’s not the only part of faith, though.

Belief IN is that exquisite surrender that people of all faiths, and all doubts, experience. It is the act of opening our arms wide, standing on tip-toes at the edge of the precipice, and gently leaning forward to fall over the cliff with faith that something below will catch us. My experiences of Belief IN have been joyous, sometimes terrifying, but always worth the stress.

When I tweeted “in matters of faith, proof is irrelevant & fraud cannot pertain.” I referred to this point. Evidence supports faith, as all Mormons know. It is the cornerstone of our religion.

Belief IN, absolute and pure faith, led me to the Church. I’ll never understand why, or how, but it did. So what happened after that Twitter exchange wasn’t a surprise.

As I sat in my car reading the last tweet from X and laughing that he was right, that I was in the right place, a sudden feeling came over me. It was like being surrounded by white light. I had this strong sense that the Godhead was with me. The prayers for a stronger understanding of Heavenly Father as MY father, MY creator, were being answered. I was filled with joy, peace, and a strong desire to tell people who have helped me lately how much their help has meant. Tears rolled, I grinned like an idiot…it was a watershed moment.

So, I learned from the anti-Mormon that I am right where I should be. I gained sympathy for him, someone who can’t let go of the Church that apparently made him unhappy, someone who puts as much time into slagging off the Church as he would have in studying and living the doctrine if he’d been happy and stayed. Personally, I think he should chill out and take up golf or gardening or something – that level of disappointment and vigorously attempting to draw followers must be exhausting. It’s also a curious way to turn away from something he claims to hold in contempt. What can I say? I’ll pray for his happiness and fulfillment.

My last Tweet on the subject:
Thinking, feeling, being, decision: Anti-#Mormon tweets are not logical, bad psychology, and ultimately boring. Reaffirmed my faith though!

And so it did.